Parenting Reflection

Parenting Reflection

What kind of parent do I hope to be? This is a question that I have thought about before but one that I have never gone into depth with. Of course everyone wants to say that they are going to be or hope to be a “perfect” parent but there is so much more that goes into it than just hoping to be a good parent. I don’t think there is any hope that is too high when you’re learning about parenting because I think that there is always something that parents can still learn or get better at. My parents have a set a great example for what I want to be and how I want to parent when I have children of my own.

When I think about the type of parent I want to be, I think about how my friends’ parents treated them. Some of my friends had parents who wanted to be their best friend and treated their friends as their own friends. Other friends had parents who were very strict with them and never really wanted much to do with their friends. I hope to be in the middle of those two spectrums because I find it necessary to be a child’s parent rather than their friend, but I also want my child to be able to come to me with their problems and thoughts. I want my children to know that I am in charge and that they can’t run all over me but at the same time be comfortable around me and their father. It is important for me to have my husband and me on the same page when it comes to parenting because I want us to be on the same level with our children. I know I am going to have to work on selfishness when it comes to this. Right now I have my own thoughts and ideas on how I want to treat my children and how I want them to behave, so I am going to have to work on listening to other strategies for children when I get married.

According to “Raising a Responsible Child”, the democratic parenting style respects children and accepts them as they are, respects all rights, allows children to be responsible for their own problems, gives choices within limits, involves children in decisions, and permits children to experiences consequences of their decisions. This parenting style, to me, would make an awesome parent, if it were possible to follow all of those. I want to follow along the lines of being a democratic parent but I know that there are always going to be road blocks that test my parenting skills. When I become a parent I want the democratic parenting style to be my guideline for how I treat my children. Even though I know that I have many things to work on before I become a parent, I think having the goal to have the democratic parenting style as my style will help me become the parent that I want to be.

One area of the democratic parenting style that I am going to have to work on is the response to misbehavior. The democratic parenting style responds to misbehavior by permitting the child to experience consequences. The other two parenting styles, according to “Raising a Responsible Child”, are autocratic and permissive. The autocratic style responses to misbehavior by punishing them with withdrawing privileges and spanking, and the permissive style reasons with misbehavior. I grew up with my parents spanking me and withdrawing privileges when I misbehaved and that is how I learned. I think when I become a parent I will have those same thoughts when my child misbehaves without even thinking about them. I think my first response might be to punish them but that is going to have to be something I work on. I want to work on this because I remember what is was like to have punishments. I almost wanted to misbehave more when my parents responded that way, rather than actually thinking about what I did wrong. I definitely see the positive side of treating misbehavior with permitting the child to experience consequences but I know that I am going to have to work on that when I have children.

I know there are going to be many things that I have to work on when I become a parent, but I know one thing I will have to work on is discouragement. I know that I am good at encouraging children since I work in a day care, but there are many different ways that you can discourage a child without even knowing. According to “Raising a Responsible Child” there are three forces that can happy within the family atmosphere. These three are high standards, sibling competition, and over ambition. I can remember all three of these happening when I was younger and I don’t think my parents ever knew or meant to have them become discouraging. Getting good grades was always something that was expected in my family. I would always feel discouraged when I wouldn’t get a high grade on something because I knew my parents expected good grades from me. I hope that when I become a parent I will find a way to encourage my child to do well in school without discouraging them by expecting certain grades from them. I also want to work on ways to help my children so that when they want to do something they will try rather than quitting because they don’t feel like they’re good enough. Even though I am good at encouraging children I know that I need to work on not discouraging them with how I present things and how I talk to them.

In the book “Raising a Responsible Child” it talks about having family meetings so that children can feel like participants in the family. When I was growing up we never had family meetings so I never got to experience what these are like. “Raising a Responsible Child” said that to develop a new and democratic relationship in the family you need to take the time and give opportunities to communicate ideas, give feedback and reactions to family members, and commit to invest time in communicating together with feedback on a regular basis. I think this is very important in a child’s life to get time that is set aside to just talk to their parents and siblings. This is definitely something that my someday husband and I are going to have to work on and talk about since I have never experienced this. I think that some topics that can be talked about at these meetings can be what the next week will look like, any activities that the children want to participate in, and what has happened in the last week. I find it important for children to have a schedule for their week, even if it is a little bit flexible. During these meetings we could give the children opportunities to plan a family night and just give them time to be with the whole family. I don’t think that I would necessarily want set rules for these meetings but rather just give everyone time to talk to and be with each other.

As excited as I am to become a parent someday, I also am a little scared because I know that there are so many different things to remember when parenting. I know that my love for children will definitely help but I know that there is always room for improvement. I hope to work on my patience, selfishness, and my discouragement to children so that I can become the best parent for my children. I know what type of parent that I want to be and have learned so much about what it takes to become that type of parent. I think my next step is to continue to learn about children and parenting so that I can share with my future husband so that my children can get the best parents that they can have.

Citations

Dinkmeyer, D., & McKay, G. D. (1996) Raising a Responsible Child: How to Prepare Your Child for Today’s Complex World. New York: Fireside.